Now What?

Apparently I have a condition called RRD. This is called Revisionist Romance Disorder. RRD, like an acute case of 20/20 Blindsight, creates an inability to see the past as it actually happened. Additionally, those who suffer from Revisionist Romance Disorder cannot control the need to rewrite their relationship to match the feelings they want to have about it. It's an easily identifiable disease, but like all afflictions, the first step to overcoming it is to admit you have a problem.

Well of course I have no problems, because I am perfect. So the guy who wakes up and chugs a beer, is well of course Prince Charming. And the one that decides to not return my calls for a week and then show up like nothing happened, is, yup, you got it! Prince Charming again! Wow, I thought I kissed a lot of frogs, but it seems I only meet Prince's, in my fairytale head that is.

This head that is filled with reasons to look for the good in all people, even the ones that decide they want to date other people. Even the ones that are so insecure, they have to go out and find someone else right after me to keep from falling apart. And the ones that are so insecure, they get upset when I dont upload a picture of them. And the ones that jump to conclusions over nothing.

Now what is a girl like me to do with this head full of fluffy fairy tale ex-boyfriends who should be in the worst boyfriend category? Why do I only see the good and not the bad, horrible and ugly? Why is the guy who treats me like crap such a nice guy in my head?

Wouldnt it just be nice to meet someone who does hold up to my Prince Charming in my brain? Someone who is not afraid to get into a relationship with me, and isnt afraid of missing out on the next girl that comes by? And why should I by any means at all wait for this idiot like I am some second rate floozie?

I shouldnt. And once I can convince my fairy tale brain to go with my heart, I think things will be fine. But until then, I quit dating. I feel it is bad for my overall well being and health. Maybe if I take a vacum and stick it up to my ear, I can suck out all the fluffy fairy tales. Maybe not.

The Prince I wanted him to be....

Oh I wanted him to be the one. I really really did. I really wanted to be done with this horrific thing called dating. I wanted to be done forever. So much so, that I could deal with some of his flaws. And look past the fact that he was moving this "relationship" at the speed of light. Even so much as to look past the fact that he drank more than a fish.

But as we all know, Love & Jshizzle just dont mix. They are like oil and water. Love is something only I can see in fairy tales and Disney movies. It is not something that is made for me. I am starting to think it is me. It is my fault none of these relationships work out. I can fathom another reason for it. I know what you are thinking. It is him, not me. But I am really starting to think that is not true any more.

He wanted me to hold his hand more and tell him I miss him all the time. I was just not there yet. Not after only a few weeks. I just dont move that fast. He expected me to be ok with the fact that some girl was emailing him pictures of herself. It is a big deal to me, and I am willing to be if the tables were turned, it would have been a big deal to you too. What grown man gets upset that I didnt post a picture of us on Facebook? Really? Did that really just happen? Yeah, it really did.

Marriage and the one, they are just not in the picture for me. They are just not in it for me. I am going to sit on the sidelines and watch from a distance. I am way too independent for love anyways. Once you dont have it anymore, you dont even know it is gone.

The Bachelor - Really??

Jason Jason Jason.... Really? That is what you chose to do on national TV? You chose to dump your fiancee and then make out with another girl less than an hour later? So much for the nice guy I thought you were. BOY did you fool me (it happens often, so I am not suprised). You were nothing more than a total ASS. Who does that??

First of all, I hope that you and Molly are happy. No really happy. I mean the happy that comes with maybe an STD or 2 for good measure. And Molly, you just make me ill with your fake look of suprise. You looked like a complete moron. Yes, a moron. You let this man ask another girl to marry him and then you take him back. Who wants to wager how long it will be before he dumps her too? And Mellissa, you will be the next Bachelorette, so no worries. You dodged a bullet if you ask me ( I have dodged a few, so I can vouch!). He is no one's bachelor. He is a selfish idiot who chose to humiliate a perfectly normal and sweet girl on TV.

I almost feel as if this had to have been staged, because what moron is that stupid to dump someone on TV? Oh wait, he is of the male species, so maybe he is in fact THAT dumb (I can vouch again, I know lots of dumb males).

So onto my theory. What a nice guy I thought he was. He looked so sweet and nice and was such a good dad to Ty. These stupid boys can really fool me. Maybe I dont date the nice one's anymore. They tend to be boring. But maybe I dont date the complete jerks either. They tend to be, well convicts. Maybe I just need to find someone in between. Not someone who never thinks of me or who never wants to marry me, and not someone who wants to marry me after the first date either. Is there a happy medium? I will be sure to let you know.

As for date number well, what is it now? I lost count. Maybe it is 13 or 14? They are all just starting to blur together. He is either crazy or I have been in a totally dysfunctional relationship for so long that I have NO idea what normal looks like any more. He is a nice guy, but with a slight edge. And by edge I mean he has more crazy ex girlfriends than anyone I have ever met. Is it a bad sign that his ex changed her number?? TWICE?? Is it bad that the last girl he dated from Match was almost arrested in his driveway when he tried to break up with her? And last but not least, is it bad that he has had only 3 months of single life for all of his 32 years on earth? These questions all beg to be answered and you know I will keep you in the loop when this one bites the dust :) Or maybe not. Only time will tell!

It's Your Loss

The age old question, is it me? Or is it you? On a rainy Sunday morning when I really can't figure out for the life of me why some people think the things they do, I have to ask myself what in the world am I doing wrong? Or is it that I am doing everything right, but they are just wrong?

For now, I am going with they are wrong. After a few phone calls (that lasted at least an hour each), I thought I would be clever and flirty. However, I will have you know, clever and flirty can very well backfire on you into "You are the type of girl who needs her man around all the time, and I am not that guy". Hmmm.... I am amazed at the stupidity of that comment. This is the response I got to a flirty message asking this particular boy if he could take a break from his horse to meet me out on a Saturday night. I guess you cant really joke via text. It obviously is taken the wrong way.

I am one of the most independent and strong women I know. I do not need a man in my life and I sure as shit do not need to spend every waking minute with another human being. I lead a busy and hectic life. And I like it. And I am not even sure I want to make time for another person in this crazy life, but I was hoping I would meet someone who I would want to make the time for. I work an infinite amount of hours at a job that pays me close to minimum wage, I am working on my masters which takes up more time than any human being has in a day, I have a 7 month old monster puppy that needs obedience on a daily basis, I have friends that I love, I have family that I love, and then I have the gym, hiking, running, reading, watching movies, eating chocolate.... the list is endless.

So where do I have time to have or want my guy around all the time? I dont. Anyone that knows me is fully aware that my last relationship was pretty non existent in the being around all the time category. I like having time for myself. If I didn't, where would I find time for my shopping hobby??

So to you Mr. Cowboy, it is your loss. Your loss indeed. Don't judge someone before you even get to know them. You could miss out on the best thing that has ever happened to you. I don't have time in my life for people who are that quick to judge anyway.

1-7

The online dating world is quite the mystery. You have the guys that wink or email and then magically disappear into the black hole of the online dating world. I hope they are ok in that black hole. I hope it is not too dark in there. Do you think they have food and water? Maybe I should call the waaambulance.

The most memorable date of dates 1-7 and that started me on this whole blog thing, was the most recent. Date disaster #7. We will call him BOBO. *Real names have been changed the protect the identity of these idiots* Ladies, beware of the guy that has all of 2 pictures and you can only see his FAR FAR away face in one of them. But, me being the optimistic gal I am, thought what the heck, it cant hurt? Oh but it hurt, it hurt so bad that my eyeballs are still buring from the enourmous herpe protruding from his lip (he really did have a huge herpe on his lip, this is not a joke). And the 1982 Town Car with blacked out windows he rolled up in. I could have stayed in my car and just drove away, but NO I am just way too damn nice. And dont get me wrong, it was not only bad enough that he looked nothing like his pictures, but he had the personality of a wet rag.

As if that was not bad enough, when we go to order our food (mexican) he says that he better keep it light, he does not want to have to go running for the border if you know what I mean. To make it even better, all he talked about was how girls never call him back and how they expect the "wow" factor when they walk in to meet someone. He gave me the "wow" factor all right. "WOW" what the F*C* was I thinking?? I do not need the "wow" factor. I need someone to kill me right here and now to put me out of my misery. I talked the entire time we ate dinner. He did not have 1 intelligent thing to say.

Apparently as I was walking ever so fastly away from him I was delusional and told him I had fun and to call me. And he did all right. The very next day. And when I didnt call him back, he sent a nasty message to me. Really?? After one date pal??

What I really wanted to say to him was why dont you put up some real pictures of yourself and be honest? Maybe THEN you will get a call back. Until then, I am running for the border. Running as far away from you as possible.

I know you are thinking this is pretty harsh. I really wish I had pulled out my cell phone and snapped a photo or two and taped this date. Then and ONLY then can you understand why I am so harsh. It really was that horrible.

Cupid, I am going to shoot your Fudging eye out!

If I could meet Cupid, I would ask him why he never stops by to shoot me with his little arrow? Why so stingy cupid? Can't you share the love? And then I would take his little arrow and shoot his eye out for being so damn stingy.

With Valentines Day quickly approaching, I am reminded every time I walk into a store that I am yet once again single. I think they should just wipe February 14 right off the calendar forever. What is the purpose really? Even when I wasn't single, the day sucked. Overpriced dinner, flowers and cards. Do you really need one day a year to tell me you give a shit? No, that should happen every day. But you didn't and that was that. Do you know what it is like to be the ONLY girl at the office EVERY year without flowers on her desk? I will tell you, it is pure torture. But not anymore! After I shoot cupid's eye out, there will be no more V day :) Yippeee for me!

With this being my very first blog, maybe I should turn the tone of this around. I am not all that bitter. Oh wait, yes I am. I am the girl who has been dumped more times than your local hooker. Hard to believe guys these days dont want to date a down to earth, normal girl with her head screwed on straight. I have a great career, good friends, wonderful family and I am smart. I almost have a Masters degree to prove it. And get this, I am even pretty, funny, sweet, caring and the nicest person most people know.

So here I am to blog about the adventures of internet dating and other mishaps of my 30 something year old life. I just started blogging so you all wont get the pleasure of hearing about dates 1 -7. Or maybe I will give you a brief run down. After all, it is hysterical.